You might know that I like talking wrestling. I have a very love/hate relationship with it and find it frustrating just as much as (or more than) I find it exhilarating. I like reading about it but I just don’t see the type of analytical writing about wrestling that I see for other corners of pop culture, so that’s what I’m going to aim for here. I doubt I will be able to write up every single wrestling show that I watch, but I’ll take it week by week and see where this takes me. Here’s how the column is going to work:
I’ll accumulate 12 talking points about the show, and assign a plus (+) or minus (-) to that point. At the end I’ll do the math and give you guys a SCIENTIFIC RATING of the quality of the show, with the top rating being 12 and lowest being -12. It’s like the Meltzer rating but extending beyond in-ring work and into stories, characters, promos, company news, and every other peripheral part of the show that could possibly be worth talking about.
Ok, formalities are out of the way. Here’s the dirty dozen for the very first WWE SmackDown on Fox back in front of a live audience since early 2020:
CROWDS BACK
This is super obvious, but professional wrestling is better with crowds. I don’t want to hear piped-in NHL ‘95 for SNES boos and cheers, or pre-recorded “This Is Awesome” chants EVER AGAIN. The people will tell you what they like and what they don’t. The energy of the entire show was back in a huge way, and all of the performers looked rejuvenated. I don’t know how they kept themselves motivated for 16 months by performing in a vacuum, but everyone was feeling it tonight, and this was immediately a better show for it. (+)
VINCE MCMAHON
“Where the hell have you been?!” Overlooking that Vince’s face is starting to look like a Tom Savini creation, this tiny segment legitimately made me laugh out loud. Everything that I think I hate about Vince and the way he runs his business just seems to evaporate any time he shows up on screen, because he is just that good. (+)
OPENING MATCH (REIGNS & USOS -VS- EDGE & MYSTERIOS)
I usually don’t like seeing guys wrestle each other right before their PPV matches, but I can’t deny how hot this match was, and how awesome the crowd was for them. I needed this reminder of how much fun WWE can be in an electric environment. It’s been too long. Plus, there’s the (unmentioned of course) cool history between Edge & Mysterio teaming together back in the old SmackDown Six days. (+)
GIVE THEM ROLLUPS!
The first two matches on the very first show back in front of live human fans ended with rollups. OK, I’m not saying rollups can never work. When used sparingly, it’s a great tactic for a surprise win. But WWE goes to the rollup well multiple times a week and it’s almost always to make sure that none of their professional wrestlers actually “look weak” by losing to an actual professional wrestling maneuver. It’s even worse when a person (in tonight’s case Natalya) loses complete control of her faculties and can’t complete a Sharpshooter because there is fighting going on near her. Distraction rollups hardly ever look good, and instead of someone “looking weak”, you have someone looking dumb which is 10x worse in my opinion. (-)
SAMI ZAYN
Sami Zayn is a gem and one of a handful of the best promos in the company at the moment. He can work the crowd into whatever direction he wants, and he’s absolutely believable as a conspiracy lunatic because his words don’t come off as being written for him. (+)
FINN BALOR
I wasn’t a huge fan of tweener Balor on NXT, but I hope he got what he needed (creatively) out of working there for the last 2 years. He’s too big of a star to be on NXT, which no matter what the NXT roster says, is still the developmental brand. Balor back on SmackDown instantly injects some fresh(er) blood into the roster even if it’s the same exact roster he left 2 years ago. (+)
BIANCA BELAIR
Bianca is a star for real for real. It hardly came across in an empty arena over the last year, but listen to those fans tonight. The people love her, and it’s well deserved. (+)
CESARO VS ALPHA ACADEMY
I don’t know why they spent the last year slowly stripping all of Otis’ personality away, but I really hope they are going the Cesaro vs Chad Gable route. Gable - universally credited as being one of the best pure wrestlers in the company - has been floundering for years, but this Alpha Academy stuff is getting him on tv every week. Let them put on a banger for a few quarter-hours and see how fast Gable’s stock rises. (+)
BARON CORBIN IS PATHETIC (THE STORYLINE)
I actually like the story of Corbin’s life falling apart (and the recently divorced dad look he’s taken on), and I think he’s really good at it, but the reason for it makes no sense. Why did he get his car repossessed? Why is he missing house payments? Why did he lose his investments?? Because he lost another match and can’t wear a fake crown anymore? (-)
“WHAT” CHANTS BACK
It only took about an hour. (-)
FATAL FOUR-WAY
This was a fun main event with a big spot that Kevin Owens has been clamoring to do in front of fans since Wrestlemania 36 - a big ol’ ladder elbow drop onto Nakamura through a collapsing crash pad table. Rollins won, which means he won’t win on Sunday, so I’m rooting for Big E to take the briefcase home. I’m almost certain that E will get a main event run before the end of the year, which is a long time coming. (+)
ACKNOWLEDGE HIM (no, not like that!)
They kept the Roman/Uso stuff to a minimum tonight, despite it carrying the show for almost an entire year at this point. I’m assuming that this was done to keep the crowd from cheering Reigns, who the WWE spent his entire career forcing people to cheer, which now they don’t want. So even though I wanted to see more Roman, I get why they’re going to slow play him in front of non-prerecorded audiences. (+)
TOTAL: +9
This was all in all a killer episode of WWE television with only very minor setbacks. If the company can keep this energy rolling and not immediately start resorting to their tired old ways, they’ll have a real hot streak on their hands.